Processing...

I was in the prayer room yesterday, processing some recent conversations with my sister. To say that my family doesn’t understand me or the way I live my life is an understatement. I’ve been told that they aren’t so sure of this new direction my life has taken and don’t necessarily get what the point of my pursuing a MA in Journalism.

And here I was thinking they’d be excited that I was showing an interest in higher education. Wrong.

I know that my parents would love it if I settled down somewhere, got a decent paying job that provided benefits, build up a retirement package, got married, bought some property, had a few kids and did what everyone else in America does. It’s why we moved to this country, after all.

And, while I get that this is their desire for me, I can’t seem to just do it. As much as I would love to be making money, paying my own bills, enjoying the freedom that is the “American Dream”, God has other plans for me at the moment.

This would be the problem with giving the reins of your life over to God … what you would like to do, what other people think you should do and what He has in store don’t always line up.

I’ve come to know that choosing to please Him over all others means that there are going to be some people – at times some key people – in my life who will be disappointed in me. Trust me when I say that that’s a tough pill to swallow at times for this people-pleasing youngest kid who has desired all her life that her parents truly knew her and accepted her just the way she was. It's tough being the oddball in your family. :)

As I sat in the prayer room yesterday, I caught a glimpse of God’s face … He was smiling at me, telling me that I brought joy to His heart. That He can look at me – and see the depths of who I am – and still say that brought tears to my eyes. He knows me better than I know myself and is delighted by what He finds there. I still have trouble believing it sometimes, but I know that look ...

I’ve decided to cut my parents (and even my brothers) a bit of slack. At times I look at the seemingly zig-zagged path that is my life and wonder what in the world God is doing. If I, who know and hear Him, have those moments of panic, disappointment and uncertainty, how can I expect them to “get it”?

Besides, I felt like God said that it would be impossible for them to see things from His perspective and be excited for the journey until they’re with Him.

I guess the same goes for me.