So far away

Okay, so here's something safe I can write about ...

Been feeling like God is so far away lately. As I was in church yesterday I got this picture (out of nowhere) of myself crawling on this dry, cracked ground looking for water and nourishment. I didn't need the reminder, but was struck by the desperation that was part of the picture ... and also the feeling of slowly losing any sense of hope.

This isn't anything new. I've been here for a few weeks now. I remember being in a Tuesday morning meeting not too long ago when a group of people decided to let loose in the spirit. Everyone was praying and weeping ... I was too. But not for the reasons that people would think. I was remembering the days when I felt His presence as close to me as the person that was in the chair next to me. I remembered times when I could see His face, smell Him and heard His voice calling to me.

I got a word that day that brought some hope, and I've been holding onto that in the midst of the craziness I find myself in today.

A part of me is starting to get revelation on why God seems so far away. It has nothing to do with sin that I can't remember committing. It has nothing to do with this continent that I've been living in for the last 2 years.

It has everything to do with the ending of a season and the beginning of a new one.

I love how He never does things the way that I think He will ... and the fact that He knows that He has to uproot things in me to allow room for His plans to come to fruition.