Life's Frustrations

I think it's pretty funny that I truly believe that my frustrations are unlike those of "normal" people. I've somehow managed to convince myself that I get frustrated about things that normal people don't, or that somehow, I'm the only one going through a certain thing.

I was so blessed to talk with two friends today - one from New Zealand and the other from Belgium - who helped me process a bit and shed some light on the things I've been going through mentally and emotionally. How important it is to have people you trust who are willing to walk you through the junk in your head and heart!

Bottom line is that there is nothing new under the sun. At it's core, I'm still struggling with trusting God and taking Him at His word. My flesh struggles with the things He's telling me to do, and rebellion still has it's little root in me. I'm struggling with the same core issues as everyone else.

Where we tend to differ is the specific things that God may be asking me to do, or the area of my life that He's asking me to trust Him in.

As I talked with my friend from Belgium today, I told her that one of my biggest frustrations is in the area of relationships. "Why don't they work the way that you expect them to?" I realize that YWAM Denver messed me up in this area and I have expectations that are unrealistic for life outside the YWAM bubble. But, seriously, they shouldn't be this difficult. God's been challenging me to love as He's loved me ... to not follow in my old pattern of writing people off when they don't respond the way that I think they should. I'll admit it - he told me to love someone specifically and I told Him I didn't want to. Yeah, I got spanked for it and I'm still not sure what loving like this looks like in this particular situation, or why He's even asking me to do this. I've asked for His perspective on it (as my friend suggested), but I really don't like the answer that I got. No matter, I have to do it simply because He's asked me to.

Another area I tackled with my Kiwi friend was the area of communication within relationship ... I realize that there's a cutltural barrier between myself and South Africans, but we decided that much of what was going on probably has more to do with spiritual warfare surrounding the birth of this new ministry (Adler Haven) than American English versus South African English. I think in this situation I just need to pray a bit, then speak up.

As I talked with both friends, I also realized that pursuing relationship is not something that's important to everyone. Or, maybe it's just that pursuing relationship with me is not important to everyone that I'm pursuing relationship with. Now, don't get me wrong ... I'm not arrogant enough to believe that everyone has to love me and want to be in relationship with me. I just had to process the realization that I'm just a blip on the radar for some people ... they acknowledge my presence, but don't really have an interest in getting to know me beyond that. Which is fine. It's a natural part of life. I just have to focus on building with the people who are as interested as I am.

You know, I have to admit that I do have some amazing friends. Unfortunately, most of the ones that will sit up and talk with me at 1 in the morning as I process the craziness that's going on in my head are on another continent. Still, I am truly blessed. They also have craziness going on in their own lives as they journey with God, but these precious people genuinely care about me and want to spur me on in my walk with Christ, encouraging me to trust in Him and trust the directions that He's giving.

And for that, I am truly grateful.