S. A. Men

I never cease to be amazed with conversations that I have with South African men. Sometimes I walk away with such a greater appreciation for the men in my own country ... wait, let me rephrase that: sometimes I wonder if they're part of the same species as the men in my own country and realize how much I love the men from my own hemisphere.

This is a conversation I had with the guard who raises (manually) the boom at the security checkpoint into my neighborhood today:

(As I approach the stop sign, he waves for me to get closer and leans on the car by the driver side window, big smile on his face)

"You live here?" (he asks, even though he's seen me drive through here several times a week over the last four months)

"Yep." (my response)

"What number?"

"150."

"150. (pause here ... as if he's processing and picturing the house) Oh, you live with Caroline?"

"Yep."

"Oh, okay. (slight pause) Are you married?"

"Nope."

"You have a boyfriend?"

(Those of you who know me well can imagine my face right now ...) "Kind of."

"What? Kind of?"

"Yep, kind of. He's in the States." (Yeah, I lied because I just didn't feel like doing this today ... I see this guy several times a week and life would just be easier if I said there was "someone" in the States. I had someone in mind, too, if he'd ask about him ... sorry Jason! I'm fast running out of single guys in my age bracket and you popped in there first.)

"Oh, I see. You have any kids?"

(Once again, I'm not able to control my face ...) "No."

"Why not? How old are you?"

"Because I don't want any right now and I'm 32."

"Ohhh, you need to have some kids." (Big smile continues on his face. You know the smile that guys give you when they're looking you up and down? Yeah, that one.)

"No, I'm okay, thanks. Um, would you mind opening the boom so that I can go through?"

"Oh, okay."

I don't know why I continue to be amazed. It's not like I haven't had this conversation before ... I've had worse ones. Three things stand out to me about this one, though, that are not new to me.

Number one, that he would feel that our relationship is developed enough that he has the freedom to ask all of these question and tell me what I need to do.

Number two, that he was fishing for information to see if I was available ... seriously, not even remotely a possibility. But, the men here like to cast their nets wide and try to capture the attention of any female within a ten feet radius ... I think it increases their odds of success.

Number three, that the only function of a woman in this society for many of these guys is to have sex with them and birth babies (without any kind of formal commitment is not at all uncommon).

I'm kinda at the end of being treated like an object. I'm sooo ready to spend time with men from my own hemisphere now, thanks! At least they attempt to have conversations with you about other things, even if they are only interested in one thing.

But, I praise God for the ones who aren't just interested in one thing, but who I genuinely have a great relationship with.