Only in Africa ...

So, I thought I'd chronicle my latest conversation with a South African man ... this one had a witness, so you can know that I'm not lying about the fact that this happens to me often here.

I have to set the stage for this one ... I'm out with Deb (the Child Haven "gogo", or grandmother). I've just finished my shift at Baby Haven, and I didn't change my clothes or shower ... which means my hair's back in a ponytail, I've got a baby food stained hoodie on, no makeup and I'm tired.

She's had her day off and we're dropping her off at the house so that I can take the car for the weekend. She decides to stop off at the gas station down the street and top off the tank. While the guy is pumping her gas, he starts wiping the windshield and staring, trying to get my attention ... and I instinctively want to say "Take a photo, it will last longer!" but refrain from doing so in order not to draw attention to what he's doing.

As he comes back to the car with her receipt for the fuel (all gas stations are full-serive here in S.A.), he leans back and tell her:

"I have a lot of cows."

She looks a bit puzzled, and says, "Cows? You have a lot of cows?"

At this point, I'm thinking that surely he's not about to do this with her in the car.

"Yeah, I have a lot of cows." He says, while looking at me. "So I can pay the lebola."

(For those of you that don't know, this is the "bride price" that African men pay to the family of the woman that he takes as his wife. In past times, it would've been in cows because that's how wealth was measured. If a girl only has one child, she's worth so many cows. If she's a virgin, she's worth more cows. If she's a virgin and has an education, she's worth even more. The idea is that he compensates her family for what she would have contributed had she not married.)

At this point, I speak up because I can tell that Deb has no clue what he's talking about. "So, you have a lot of cows? That's good ... now all you need to do is find a girl."

To this he replies, "I have found one. You."

"Um, naw dude ... I'm not available."

After asking me what I said because he didn't understand my American English, he says, "Let me see your ring finger ... you don't have a ring on it. That means you're available."

"No, that does not mean I'm available. So sorry, man, you'll have to find someone else to give your cows to." I really wanted to say that my daddy wouldn't be interested in your cows ... what he'd want to see is your university degree and your paycheck stub. But, I didn't.

"We can be friends. There is nothing stopping us from being friends." To Deb he says, "Tell her. We can be friends."

At this point my friend Deb tells him that she's not telling me anything and starts to drive off. He continues to talk with her, though, trying to convince her to talk to me so we can be "friends".

What in the world???

N'kosi Sikelel i'Afrika ...