Marriage

So, since I turned the big 3-2 I've had a few people ask about my love life in South Africa. Some asked if I had been interested in a particular person since arriving. Some asked if I was serious about getting married and having children. Some asked if others had been bugging me about it since I'd passed another year as a singleton.

To be honest, it's a strange thing to be black and female in South Africa ... even moreso when you're considered "picky". I have lots of fun telling people that I'm not really interested in men in general ... just Brazilian ones. :o) It's fun to see them run that through their brains and try to matchmake here in South Africa (where the choices are mainly black, white, asian or coloured ... most of them have never even met a Brazilian).

I'm trying to keep an open mind, since this is where I've been living for the past year and will continue to live until God says "move". I'm also trying not to be frustrated as people start pointing out all the single men in church who are around my age.

And, while I'm not impressed with the men here in general, I'm trying to remember that God is bigger than my opinions, impressions, prejudices, preferences, and general lack of interest in being paired up with someone's "greatest pick" for me.

I'm still praying for a guy or two from this country who will help change my heart and mind in this ... God's already done so much to change me. I wouldn't put it past Him.

32

I turned 32 yesterday. I celebrated with friends, laughed a lot, ate some good food, and just got to thank God for the blessing of relationship in my life. He's done so much ... and for everything, I'm grateful.

One more try ...

So, I sat down last night and wrote out fantastic a blog, pushed the “publish” button and got that annoying “A problem has occurred and Internet Explorer needs to shut down” message. The blog didn’t post, and I yelled at Internet Explorer, Bill Gates and Microsoft in general.

It had to do with finding love in the midst of sleepless nights, changing my mind about having children of my own, and turning 32. I was pondering what on earth to do with the rest of my life. I was thankful for the experiences I’ve had in 32 years of life. I was thinking about being single, getting married (as some of my best friends are about to do), flying home in May and just wondering about my life.

Birthdays make me wonder if there’s anything about my life that I would change going forward. I can think of lots I would change about the past, but I’ve come to realize that regrets aren’t worth hanging on to. What will I do differently in year 33?

There seems to always be the push to exercise more and take care of my body … funny thought, as I contemplate eating one of my Lindt Cresta bars this weekend that my awesome friend MP from Belgium brought me on her last trip home. God’s also spoken to me about this being the year of relationship and His desire that I would focus on that in 2008. He smacked me around in January about my appearance … basically, stated that He desired me to make an effort in regards to my appearance and that I should be dressing and grooming myself in a manner befitting the “daughter of the King” that I am. Ouch.

Then there’s the spiritual stuff – read the Word more, pray more, study more.

The one thing that stands out to me above all the rest as I think about crossing 32 is that I should love myself this year. Not in a tree hugger sort of way, but in a "love your neighbor as youself" way. I've come to the realization that no one else is going to do it for me. What does that look like? I’m still not sure, since I’ve thought I loved myself in the past. Apparently not the way God intends. So, it looks like we’re about to do a bit of exploring!