murky waters

I find myself in a funk that I’m not sure how to get out of. Part of it is contemplating being away from home for the holidays and celebrating what is one of my favorite family holidays away from everything familiar. Part of it is confusion in regards to what on earth God is up to in my life.

He continues to speak to me about His dreams for my life. The more I think about what He's spoken, the more I feel myself struggle. Some of the things He's spoken seem so contrary to the way He's made me. Some of the things I'm waiting on seem so far away, yet there's nothing I can do about it. Helpless. That's what I feel right now. Vulnerable. And a bit lost.

On top of the inner struggle is the fact that I'm facing change once again. It's never easy, but I don't feel as though I've fully adapted and overcome the last change. My heart is full, and not all of it is good.

So, I struggle silently. Everyone's busy, living their own lives. I'm tired of struggling, tired of talking. I'm not sure that I can articulate all that's in my heart at the moment. So, I continue to stuff it, in the hopes that God will work to bring about some resolution ... and if not, that He will bring some measure of peace in the midst of these murky waters I find myself in.