I feel so old ...

Youth With A Mission. Just the name lets you know that the organization is geared towards young people. The average person working with YWAM is between the age of 18 and 25. I’m 31. I feel so old right now.

Okay, so part of what brought this on is that we have a team from Brazil in, working with us at the base. They’re typically young, and typically Brazilian. Having lived in a void where good looking men are concerned, I’ll admit – it’s been a bit hard to focus at times. I mean, they are some good looking guys, with great personalities, fun, charming, respectful and protective of their women, hospitable, etc. And these are all qualities that I’ve missed over the last 8 months, living amongst men who grate against my personality and preferences.

So, I was hanging out with one of them at the mall the other day. I’m not sure how it came up, but he asked me how old I was. I said (in Spanish, because he doesn’t speak English, and I don’t speak Portuguese … we meet somewhere in the middle with what’s called “Portuñol”) that I was 31. Then it hit me that I should probably ask how old he was. 23. All of a sudden, I felt really old and like I shouldn’t be walking in the mall alone with this kid. He is, after all, the same age as my nephew and more attentive than I'm used to.

Another one (who I’m sure is also in his early 20s) told me that I look like his girlfriend back home … which means that in Brazil, guys that look and behave like him are interested in girls that look like me. Why am I in Africa?

Where are the good looking, great personality possessing, fun, charming, respectful, protective, hospitable men closer to my age? Why am I constantly finding myself “attracted” to boys? And … why am I in Africa???

I know that I’m being a "girl" … but I’m really trying to get my head around what I’m supposed to glean from this whole experience. I’m still not sure. I know that God is big and that He can orchestrate anything, and that there are men my age out there who are after His heart. I think I’m just finding it hard to die to self lately, and my view of myself took a little blow with the realization that I’m getting old, and there’s nothing I can do about it.