Doubting

So, I was thinking the other day about what I’m about to step into ministry-wise come 2008 and a small part of me started to think, “What on earth are you doing?”

Besides the known logistical craziness (all matters I would love for you guys who pray to take to the Lord on my behalf, by the way) – having to figure out what needs to be done with Home Affairs in regards to switching my visa from being here under YWAM to being in South Africa under Every Nation & His People; figuring out where my support will be funneled through in the States so people can still receive a tax receipt; making the physical move to the house where I’ll be caring for the children; learning all that I need to know to give them effective care and ministry; working out the logistics of transport … increasing essential as I’m taking on a broader ministry that’s not concentrated within a 5 minute walking radius – I was struck by the thought that I’m not exactly the maternal type. Children are drawn to me, but it’s mostly so that we can get riled up together and be told that we need to keep our noise down.

When I think about working with children on this level – being a primary caregiver – it kinda freaks me out. I find myself wondering if my maternal side will kick in. I’m about to be “mom” to some of Africa’s forgotten children … taking them to school, making sure they do homework, cooking meals, taking them to the doctor, loving on them and disciplining them as needed. Boy do I need His grace in the face of this. I don’t consider myself the nurturing type, so part of me thinks this will be one of God’s greatest miracles in my life.

Once again I can’t deny Him, though. He’s stirred my heart for these children and given me a desire to be His hands and feet here, sharing His love with them … letting them know that He cares for them. If I really think about it, this is an excellent opportunity for God to step in where I end, and for me to operate in His strength rather than my own.

I’m constantly amazed at the places He takes me to, and the things He asks of me … but I’m looking forward to His meeting me there.