Voices

Do you find it easy to blot out the voice of God in your head? Sometimes I wish I could not hear Him when He tells me some things. Other times, I wish He would speak and make "all things clear". He's not saying much at the moment, which is slightly frustrating ... it just means I must carry on with the last thing He spoke to me, which is "trust Me". I'm trying, but I can barely feel the air in front of my face at the moment.

I'm trying to figure out why it is I can never be wholly content with where I am in life. When I was in Denver, I wished that I could have both my family and my life there ... when I was in Houston, I longed for the relationships I had in Denver. Now that I'm in Joburg, I spend about half of my time wishing I were somewhere else (still longing for the relationships, though). I long to feel the illusions of safety and freedom ... and be able to walk down the street or go out at night without feeling as though I'm putting my life in some danger. I miss laughing. I miss being at peace.

I know that my peace should have nothing to do with my surroundings, but unfortunately that's the way God made me. My environment has a great affect on me, and at the moment the affect isn't a great one. I'm not depressed or anything, just frustrated. I'm praying that God does something soon.