The value of "stuff"

I'll admit I've been a little too focused on what I'm going to take and what I'm going to leave here. There are a few essentials that I would cry if they were stolen ... like my laptop and my camera. Why are they essentials? Well, the camera is part of my passion ... photographing and sharing God's beauty and what He's doing through a lens ... I absolutely love it. The laptop helps me communicate, organize, plan. They are a part of what makes it all happen.

I have to come to the place of believing that they belong to Him, and that He can give and take away ... and that it's okay. My sis said that just about everything is replaceable. The only thing that's not is me, so all else is just stuff. I'm working on being that light-hearted about it.

Birthdays

Today is my niece's birthday and my cousin's birthday. Yesterday was my sister-in-law's birthday. It occurred to me that I would be celebrating my next one in South Africa if all goes according to plan. Holy cow. I'll have to have Jess make me a cheesecake before I go.

It's occurred to me several times over the past couple months that I'm about to embark on a part of the journey called my life like none other I've experienced. I'm moving to Africa. Totally different culture, languages, understandings. Craziness.

I was thinking about going to Colombia to work with some of the churches - what I would take, what I wouldn't. I would take my camera. Wouldn't take Tiffany's (although it seems so sad to leave it here to tarnish in the box). Would take my laptop. Wouldn't take leather.

Funny, the things you think of when making a life change ... like the fact that I'll have to find a laundry detergent that doesn't make me sick when I smell it.

Passion

How do people live without it? If I find myself losing sight of it, I start to kick and scream like a little kid whose favorite stuffed animal has been taken away to be thrown in the washing machine.

I'm sitting at work ... it's my lunch hour ... and I find myself looking at the clock, wishing it were closer to 5. That's how I spend my days ... wishing they were over. What kind of life is that?

My father would say that it's because I don't want to work ... how do you explain passion to someone who is okay to live without it. I'm not one of those people ... I can't see myself working "just to put food on the table."

If I could find a career where I'd get paid for helping people (that didn't involve blood or the legal system), I might be tempted to ask to be released from missions. But, given the fact that I get to fulfill my passion, travel, experience other ways of life and cultures, AND have God be at the center of it all - why would I do a thing like that?

PMS?

I seem to remember having a better handle on my emotions in Denver. People and things didn't get to me as much ... stress levels didn't get this high or affect me as much ... I remember being more rational. Maybe it was my imagination.

I don't think it's an excuse to act any way that we want, necessarily. I can't believe that it now describes why I can be slightly irrational and moody ... no the moody is an all the time thing.

It's amazing to me that I can be seen as even keeled and a very rational person outside of these four walls. I'm told that familiarity and history have something to do with it. Funny, to me that should mean that I do better here than anywhere else, but that's not the case.

The calendar on my wall

I have this Ansel Adams calendar on my wall, next to my laptop. It is forever on the wrong month ... right now it's still on September. When November rolls around, it will be on October. Not sure why.

12 weeks ... that's how many I've got left before I am no longer "gainfully employed". What then? I still don't know. I guess I'll find out when He speaks.

Still frustrated, just not upset about it anymore ...

So, this is the point I've come to. I'm tired of fighting against this brick wall ... frustrated by asking, receiving no answers or just silence. I'm wanting to do the will of my God, but He's not talking at the moment. To tread where I believe He's asked me to go when He's silent on details doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do. So, if He wants me in Africa He'll have to do it. I'm not pushing anymore ... not fighting ... not crying ... not pleading ... not following every new lead like it "might be the answer I've been asking for".

I'm done. If he really wants me to go early 2007, He'll have to do it.

Frustrated.

I'm a tad bit frustrated at the moment. God has been really silent on the whole "which ministry to pursue" question. He's actually been quite silent on the whole Africa thing outside of saying "my last instructions still stand". That would be to stop procrastinating and join the work early next year.

So, the probe I put out with the AG church doesn't quite fit that ... I won't be able to go until April if I complete the whole application process. That would put me right at when I planned on going in the first place.

Cape hasn't responded to emails ... I'm about to count that as a closed door.

That leaves Joburg ... where I will need to hear Him in order to not run for my life the first time I'm in proximity of gunshots or a some other violent crime.

He just couldn't leave me in Denver, could He?

New website up and functional

I've created a new website for keeping in touch with folks while I'm in Africa. If you're interested, sheck it out: http://www.freewebs.com/rdfoster

ttyl!

Waiting ...

I would definitely say that waiting is not something I do well. I'm still waiting to hear from South Africa in regards to what ministry I will work with and what city I'll be living in. As a planner, I want to have this ball rolling already! January is fast approaching.

But, I continue to wait. I can't get the visa without the plane ticket. I can't get the plane ticket if I don't know what city I'm going to. I'm still learning to trust Him ... not an easy thing to do always.

Be still.

Oh! I forgot to mention the incredible time I had in Denver. Took a few pics, so check'em out: http://new.photos.yahoo.com/album?c=crossworldphotography&aid=576460762314240192&pid=&wtok=bxdNgalYE3Zi7J7Ex7ZzHw--&ts=1159924012&.src=ph

Memphis and stuff

So, I just went to Memphis for a college reunion and had an absolute blast. It's so crazy to see everyone after nearly ten years. Wow.

While there I ran into a couple folks that I hadn't expected seeing. Izzy was one ... and he's a daddy! I still can't get over it. There was no preparation for that and I'm still reeling. His family was so cute, though.

It was also really good to get together with old friends and realize that I'm not as different or alone in my struggles as I thought. We're all desiring more from God, wanting to live this adventure with Him. Wanting to know that He's alive and well in our lives, and struggling to feel His presence at times.

I've been told that I need to read Captivating by so many people now that I decided to just buy it today. I've read the first chapter and all I can say is wow. It seems that the Eldredges have glimpsed into my heart and come away with the core of my struggle. I'm all in.

Hmmm ... I've also figured out that I'm going to cancel all my trips and head to South Africa in January. I haven't told my folks that yet. In seeking God on this void that I've felt within the last few weeks, He likened it to someone overstaying in a foreign country and now my peace has gone. Now that I've stopped making my own plans and thinking about what I could stuff in there before I had to commit my life to Africa, peace has returned. So, it looks like I need to work on visa and plane ticket issues.

Here we go!

What I miss ...

I try to figure out what I miss about Denver sometimes. Here's what I've come up with:

I miss the people. In Denver I lived with the people I worked with the people I played with the people I grew with ... you get the point. Intimacy in relationship and transparency happened because you knew you were safe and that everyone was striving for the same thing. God was center, and going deep in Him didn't intimidate anyone.

Purpose. I could leave it at that, but I really do miss having a daily purpose, even if it was just getting a guest house ready for a speaker and making sure that they were taken care of. I knew that by doing this, I was playing my part in touching the lives of people and seeing them grow in Him.

Being challenged in my walk. You had to be on top of it spiritually because if you weren't growing and being poured into, you couldn't pour anything out. Here, I don't have to do anything because there's no pouring. I feel like stagnant water at times, busting at the seams, with nowhere to go.

Conversations ... real ones. Rachel was just here and I had a lot of them. I hadn't realized how much fluff comes out of my mouth and how so often, there's no real connection with people. It's all surface, and I'm not sure how to take it beyond there.

Belonging to a community/family. God's word says that "He sets the lonely in families". I remember when that happened for me ... when I knew that someone loved me and thought I was great and wanted to spend time with me because I was me - not because they had to or because it was an automatic thing, or because I had met their set criteria, but because of the love of the Father that drew our hearts together.

So many more things I could list ... mountains, moments when God spoke so clear I thought he spoke audibly, doing crazy things because He asked ... it's so hard not to live in the glow of memories past. How do I find Him like this in the here and now?

The West Indies, Oz and Africa

So, I think I'm going to continue this blog as I take more trips and begin planning for the big move to Africa. Why start all over when I've got a good thing started already?

Here's a basic timeline that I've got in my head for now:

• 4th of July weekend - Memphis, TN
• Labor Day weekend - Denver, CO
• February 2007 - The West Indies (Trinidad, Tobago, St. Vincent, Antigua, St. Croix) with my Dad
• April 2007 - Australia & New Zealand with Dee
• June 2007 - Cape Town, South Africa

It's a rough sketch that I know will change between now and then. Wow, looking at that it looks like a lot!!!

CYMRU

Greetings from Wales!

Wow, what an incredible place to begin to wind down our trip. It is absolutely beautiful here! I'm visiting the family of one of the girls I mentored in Denver ... as I look to my right there is a magnificent view of the city of Swansea (population around 300,000, I'm told) and the sea. Absolutely beautiful.

We got in yesterday around 4 pm and went straight to the grocery store next to the station ... it'd been about 3 days since we'd seen a regular grocery. We'd been into Harrod's (the Macy's of London) and Mark & Spencer (sells carry-away meals in convenient packaging), but they're not really normal grocery stores, if you know what I mean. Finding Pringles along the way has been a God-send since I constantly have the munchies.

We went to an area called 3 Points this afternoon. It was a really nice walk down to the beachfront where there were 3 rocky hills and an inlet. It reminded me of sitting by the Great Barrier Reef in Australia ... the tide was coming in and you could see the people there enjoying the fact that God had given another relatively warm day with sunshine. Being from hot and humid Houston, I thought they were crazy to be walking barefoot in the chilly water, but, hey ... who am I to judge?

Being on the road has been such a good reminder to me that life continues on around the world, even as we sit in our offices and homes in America. There's so much to see and experience. Since we've been here I've had interesting conversations with 15 and 16 year olds that are keenly aware that there's a world outside of their small town. One kid in particular asked about 45 random questions about life in America, including whether or not I'd been to Compton and Brooklyn (he's watched a lot of MTV and knows a lot about NWA, the Beastie Boys and Jay-Z), whether I liked Oreo cookies, what the real price of a Big Mac in America was, and if we had good Chinese and Mexican food in Houston. By the end of our time he tried to slide in that I'd invited him to come live with me in America.

I'm so sad that my trip is coming to an end! I thank God for every day of it, though. What an opportunity. Everyone tells me that I have to come back in the Spring or summer when the weather's better and I can take more photos. We'll see ...

Oh! I almost forgot ... my sister's started this rumor that I pushed her down the steps of Buckingham Palace in front of the Queen. Not true. She tripped and fell on the steps outside of Buckingham Palace and I had nothing to do with it. I actually stood there wondering why she was on the ground and how she'd gotten there. So, it's been a rough few days for her since she hasn't been able to stabilize it and we're on the move again. I think that she's glad that she'll get to put it up for a few days soon.

Right, well ... don't know if I'll blog again before home. I have to savor the last few days I have abroad, so that means staying outdoors and away from internet cafes.

Ta ta for now!

" )

Life in the UK

Wow, it's been a few days. Our time in Aberdeen was good ... or "gute" as the Scottish say. The weather was "diabolical" according to our hostess ... it was pretty chilly and we were once again greeted by snow. I still got to see the sea, visit a castle and even saw the face of a few sheep. They're pretty cute up close!

I really enjoyed life in Scotland and wished that I got to see more of the country. There were some really quaint fisherman's villages that we got to visit with little coffee shops that you just don't see where I come from. Starbuck's just wouldn't do. We were told that we'd have to come back when the weather's better, so I'm looking forward to my next visit to Scotland when I can also include Ireland in the mix.

The Scottish countryside was beautiful ... rolling hills and snow-capped peaks ... and grazing sheep. Did I mention the sheep? Oh, and I tried to get invited to a Scottish wedding just so I could get photos of the guys in kilts ... it didn't work. Oh well, maybe next time.

On Tuesday we flew back to London and braved the Underground (subway) to get to the home of some of my parent's relatives. I have only one question ... what happened to the value of the US dollar? Everything here's much more expensive than anywhere else we've been and the dollar is only worth about 1/2 £ (Pound). It definitely doesn't make buying chocolate easy.

London weather has also been true to form ... it was cloudy most of today and didn't make for great photo-taking weather. So, today we took my friend Matt's advice and boarded one of the open-air tour busses and spent the day taking in the sights. Here's the synopsis:

• Buckingham Palace is smaller than you'd think (according to my sister)
• Westminster Abbey is HUGE!
• There is a really large theatre district in London ... I got to see the Lion King tonight and it was fabulous!
• McDonald's is a friendly face when you're hungry and running out of £s (got to find an ATM soon) ... and are in need of a free toilet.
• Krispy Kreme is in the UK!!!
• Starbucks is on every corner
• I got to see Tony Blair's hair as his car was escorted by our bus today ... I looked too late to catch his face.
• Kensington Palace (where Princess Diana lived) made me sad ... the grounds are beautiful, but it's a constant reminder of a life that's no longer with us.
• There's an interesting statue in Trafalgar Square that bears a striking resemblance to Lord Farquhard from Shrek ... still not sure who that guy was.

Well, we leave for Wales on Saturday, so I may have one more opportunity to blog. If not, I'll see those of you from Houston soon!

Late nights and French kisses

Paris exceeded my expectations, and I know it's because of Jean-Louis and Arlette. We had a blast at the jazz concert with Valerie Bilounga ... she has an amazing voice and talent! She sang in her native tongue (from Cameroon), English, French and Portuguese. The guy on the bass cello had the best curly 'fro I've seen in years (I was jealous) ... and he was white!!! All in all, it was a good night.

I have to admit that being with this couple for three days showed me just how anti-social I'd been lately. They had us out at night until 11 at the earliest, 2 am at the latest. They do this every night, including weekdays! I'd have a hard time staying awake at work if I lived that way all the time, but for vacation I wouldn't have missed a moment of it.

We did eat at the Tex-Mex restaurant in Paris ... called "Indiana". Yeah. It was hard not to think about Pappasitos or Fiesta en Guadalajara while we were there ... no chips and salsa ... no salsa period, actually. I had to remind myself that most of these folks had never been to Texas, so they didn't know what they were missing. Dianne had a kicking Caesar Salad at the restaurant that night, though. Gotta love it.

One thing that I had to get used to - French kisses. When greeting and saying goodbye, you're expected to kiss everyone, right down to the boyfriend of the friend of the second cousin you just met. For those of you who know me and my boundary issues, you know that was a stretch! I think that in one day I counted 4 or 5 men that I'd kissed ... more than I'd kissed in my life up to this point. I didn't bother counting the women ... I'm so American.

One other fun point ... I love how we continually find and befriend the Spanish speakers traveling through Europe. This time Dianne talked to an 18 year old guy who was trying to get to Versailles. When he figured out that we spoke Spanish he spent the rest of the day with us and talked non-stop. He was an exchange student from Mexico studying in Hamburg, Germany on holiday. I nearly choked when I found out that he thought I was 20 and then later asked if I had a boyfriend.

So, here's the city synopsis:

• Paris is a beautiful city, full of history and beautiful structures.
• The French aren't as bad as people make them out to be (or at least the ones I met weren't).
• Napolean Bonaparte was a little, but powerful man.
• The Eiffel Tower is bigger than I thought.
• I'm still not sure what French food tastes like, but they do walk around eating sandwiches on baguettes.
• If you plan to visit, be prepared to greet and say goodbye with kisses.
• For those who insisted that I come to Paris - good call, and thank you!

Now, on to snowy Aberdeen!

Lost in translation

Hello friends and family!

It's been a while, right? Greetings from rainy Paris! I'll give you an update on the trip up to this point.

We had a pretty uneventful train ride from Venice to Munich last week ... only got questioned by German border patrol once. I have to admit that while we were sitting in one of the stations and I watched our Trenitalia engine go by, I knew something was up. The next thing I heard was a bunch of German I didn't understand. Bye bye Italia! The start of a new phase of our trip.

The train ride was beautiful and took most of the day. We got to ride through the Swiss Alps .. absolutely beautiful!!! I hadn't realized how much I missed seeing snowcaps. Oh, and we only got questioned by German border patrol once ... in English.

We got to Munich and were greeted by my sister's friend Gabi in the train station. From there she took us into her home and we got to be the recipients of her amazing hospitality. We ate real German food (yay!), travelled to Bavarian castles, and got the insider's tour to Munich. Every morning and afternoon I got to drink Afghan teas that she brought back from her visits with her husband (who is there on military duty).

While we were there, Munich got the most snow that the city has seen since the 1940s. At one point we had to break out the shovels and create a parking spot for Gabi's car because there were none on the roads. Fun times!

On Monday we said our goodbyes to Gabi and boarded a DBA flight to Paris. Most of you know that I was not overly excited about seeing Paris ... when we got here we looked helpless enough trying to read train directions that a fellow passenger helped us navigate the train system, and after wrestling the crowds getting on and off trains we made it to our hotel. It's been rainy since we've been here, so not a lot of photo ops. I must admit that the buildings are beautiful and the people that my friend Chimene put us in contact with have been fun hosts. After taking the walking tour with Jean-Louis, we had a traditional African meal in their home (complete with blood boudain ... yep, blood) and sat around laughing for hours (while my sister Dianne talked politics) and looking at his travel photos. Tonight we join them for a birthday party at a Euro-Tex-Mex restaurant (you know I couldn't pass that opportunity up), and tomorrow night is a jazz club performance by a semi-famous cousin. During the days - tours of Versailles, the Champs and other historic sites.

So, that's the news to date. I finally found a computer that lets me log on to blog! Be back soon!

So much to say!!!

So, it's been a loooong time since I've blogged. Finding an internet cafe that lets you enable cookies is pretty hard here, so I haven't had access.

First off, thanks for all the birthday wishes! I've read every one and laughed at a few of them (you know who you are). Thanks for making the big day even better.

So, since we've been in Firenze (Florence) we've gone throughout the old city, taken the train to Pisa and Siena, and made the 11 hour trek by train to Torino. I definitely can say that Torino was the highlight so far!!! We didn't go into the Olympic village, so I got no photos of all that. I did, however, get to see my "family" from Denver! We vistited the YWAM crew in Torre Pellice right outside of Torino and I got to hang out with some of my favorite people in the world, as well as meet a few new ones that I loved hanging out with. I must say that it was worth the 11 hours to get there and the 10 to make it back to our bed and breakfast.

We've kind of figured out why we get stared at so much ... there are Africans here, but I don't think they get a lot of black female Americans here. Most people ask if we're from Central America or Brazil. Well you know me ... I'd claim the Brazil in a heartbeat, but Dianne keeps me honest. We usually say we're from America, but they tell us "no, where are you really from?" We let them know that we're originally from the Caribbean and they all say "aaaaaah". It's cool that they realize that we look different.

Tomorrow we make our way to Venice where I'll hopefully get to do the gondola ride. Yay! After a few days there we will work our way up through Switzerland to Munich, Germany for a week.

As for photos ... let's just say that italian internet cafes don't exactly have high-speed internet. I tried again to upload photos for you guys to see, but it was taking 20 minutes to upload 10. We'll see if I can get that fixed in Venice. Photos in Florence aren't that great, since they don't have teh greatest of weather at the moment ... very overcast. Pisa and Siena are better, so I'll definitely try to get those up and running.

If you want to take a look at some of the Rome photos, here's the link: http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/usvichica/album?.dir=/4506&.src=ph&.tok=phYuzdEBwa_6andP

Hmmmm ... it's almost 7 now, so I'm off to our favorite place for proscuitto and artichoke pizza. Ta ta for now!

Moi

If I ever get desperate ...

So, we went to the Vatican today ... and I now know that if I ever get desperate enough to want the pick of any man who throws himself at me, this is where I need to go.

We already get stared at quite a bit ... no worries there. I don't think they're used to seeing black females that aren't African here. As I was standing in the courtyards of the Vatican, an italian man - probably mid 40s to early 50s, nice-looking with salt-and-pepper hair - approached me and started talking to me about the Egyptian architecture while I'm taking photos. Not a problem ... until he asks me if I'd like to meet him around 5 for dinner. Not really.

I take a few steps more, then am approached by a guy who looks like he's late 20s, early 30s. He's telling me in italian that I'm the type of girl he likes, but there aren't many here in Italy. I feel sorry for him and pretend to not understand ... so he switches to English and asks if I'm a professional photographer. After a bit of chit-chat, he lets me know that he'd like to take me out. I say no thanks and continue taking my photos.

Then, as I'm making my rounds to the fountain on the grounds, a guy who had to be in his 60s asks where I'm from and if I'm here alone. Riiiiight. I figure out that this is where the latin lovers hang out during Sunday mass, waiting to pick up unsuspecting women and quickly tell him my family is standing nearby. So interesting.

So, besides that and a few fuzzy pictures of police officers (what on earth is wrong with me and my camera?????), it was another great day in Rome. Maybe I can get one of the good-looking younger ones to ask me out tomorrow.

Ciao!

Day one ... really!

Can I tell you that my feet hurt! We walked Rome from 10 am this morning until 8 pm tonight. We saw the Colloseum, the Arco di Tito, Monumento a Vittorio Emanuele II, the Fountain de Trevi and the list goes on! We's supposed to make it to the Vatican City tomorrow, as well as see all the sights of northern Rome.

When we left this morning, I looked out the window of our room and noticed everyone in parkas and winter coats. I figured that it must be pretty cool out, but when we stepped outside for the first time I knew I was in trouble. They tell us that the weather here changed this past week ... it was in the 20s, but now it's in the 50s. Let's just say that with all the walking we did I had to take off a few layers. The weather is absolutely perfect!!!

I ate my first italian pizza today with proscuitto ... very different from American pizza, and I loved every bite! I think I'm addicted.

So, since we have internet access for free here, I think I'll try to upload some photos for everyone to see. I took over 100, and it's only day one. I think I'm in trouble!

Having a blast,

Roxanne

We've arrived!

This post was from yesterday, February 17th ...

So, after 9 hours on a very packed sardine can called Lufthansa flight 4481 we landed in Frankfurt, Germany. From there we boarded a 737 to Roma, Italia. We were so amazed that we never had to go through customs ... just walked right out of the airport to meet our contact who was delivering us to our bed and breakfast in Rome (in a Mercedes, no less ... I like that!). I won't lie ... I wanted to walk back in there and ask the guy behind the counter to stamp my passport with the word "ITALIA". His big german shepherd deterred me a bit, though.

On the way to our first home away from home, we got lost (our driver didn't exactly know where the bed and breakfast was located), but got to see many of the primary tourist spots in town. Can I tell you that the Colosseum is much bigger than I thought? We also got brief looks at the Arc de Triomphe, the Piazza Navona and and a few others and will be making our way to the Vatican City before we leave on Monday. It's so strange to see these places I've read about and imagine the lives of the people that lived here centuries ago.

The adventure's just begun!